Friday, July 18, 2014

What's our National Excuse?


“What’s your favourite animal?”
“Tigers. Yours?”
“I’m more of a dog person”
”What kind?”
”Dalmatians. I like Dalmatians”
“Dalmatians. Really? How about Lions?”
“Nah. We already picked the emblem with the Lions. Giraffes?”
“Hmmmm. I can do Giraffes. Let’s pick giraffes. I think we should go for giraffes. They’re majestic, quick, vegetarian.  Perfect. ”
“You sure? Once we pick it we can’t change it. It’s picked and that’s final.”
“Yes. Yes. I know. I know. Don’t nag me. I know how this works. We’ve been doing it for days. Let’s just finish this and move on”
“Alright Alright I was just making sure after that whole national fru…..”
“Again with the fruit. I LIKE GRAPES. GRAPES ARE GOOD. THEY DON’T HAVE SEEDS AND YOU CAN HAVE HOW MANY YOU WANT!”
”RELAX. Alright then. We’ve decided. The National Animal will be the Giraffe. We have made a decision for the better of the nation. I feel like we’re making some really good progress. What’s next? National Tree or lunch?”
”....”
“What now?”
”I kinda like Tigers…...”

And so two people decided for a nation of billions (to be). Just like that. That’s how it happened. I’m not even lying. (They ate lunch next). Then they went on to sort out plenty more things that we as a nation have to come together to embrace. *”WE”* like the Lotus. The Lotus now stands for out country. It's the National flower. There are no two ways about it. That’s how it is and that’s how it will be. Tourists come here, they have to see a lotus. Like a tulip? Move to Amsterdam.


With so many of our important life choices already made for us, I wondered why can’t we do more. Decide some more national favourites that will be set in stone for millions of years to come. Unchangeable. The democratic way. For example, what’s our national callertune? What’s our nations favourite insult? What’s our national mode of transport? What’s our national haircut? What’s our national excuse? What’s our national cake? Just simple things that will complete the Indianness for us and add questions on school civics tests.


It’s high time we pick a national excuse or at least a national scapegoat and stick with it. We’re constantly shifting the blame for things on mobile phones, western clothing, western music, western movies, movies from the west, non-vegetarian food,  non-vegetarian jokes, uncles who forward non-vegetarian jokes, that lady who is driving perfectly well and yet we believe still can’t drive. It’s getting confusing and we have to agree on what we can and cannot use. For a country bubbling with excuses we can harness all this national creativity for a national cause, or just attend one national college lecture and pick one common excuse that we as a nation believe in and stick to. Then there’s no one who can doubt us. America did it, they picked peace and you don’t need me to tell you peace works.

“Why are you late for work?”
“Because peace in the Middle East is important.”
“Fair enough.”

Why can’t we have a national excuse? Because that to me would just be amazing. Imagine to never have to do anything? Imagine(Lennon) the entire country just sitting back and refusing to do work because of bad weather, bad porn, air-borne diseases, water borne diseases, dogs eating homework, cats eating dogs, the politicians, the government, the metro. That would be something…….oh wait.

Wednesday, June 11, 2014

I Am Not A Poet

Don't hold back,
Or you will wonder what may have been.

Don't hold back,
It's what seperates a loss from a deserved win.

Don't hold back,
It will take you to new places,
And in between you'll maybe meet new faces.

Don't hold back,
Because the world is out there for the taking.

Don't hold back,
It's a new you in the making.

But hold back,
If you're going to be that guy who brags about it at every party.
Oh, please hold back.